WOW WOW was having some weird dreams...

WOW WOW was having some weird dreams,
started with me having a big home then my in-law grandparents visiting then my in-law grandmothers having me judging their cooking of HamHocks ok dream is wracked because 1 have no in-laws, not even married {yet} n Never had HamHocks no idea what hamhocks are) then dream kept changing size of my home from super big to a good size one for a family of 5kids me n wife n a nanny with mother apartment for mom with 2exxtra rooms 1 for her guests n 1 for live in butler/personal-aid n a house next door for staff husband-handyman wife-housekeeper n their kids n a mobile home for Mark; then dream took a roll down memory lane to a love I miss n still worry about the dream kept focusing on the good times(even remembering feeling/touches/intimacy) I had with Kristin n then dream took me to deep deep deep sadness at 1st felt like I lost something super dear to me n because dream was focusing on Kristin my mind started feeling she was gone(died) I started crying in my dreams then I even woke up n I was crying really n really balling my eyes out n nose got stuffedup I cried n cried my mouth was choked-up last time I cried this hard was when I got info that I might lose my left arm in time because of the way doctor did the implant n when it wears out... The crying went on for a long time soaking my pillow then I asked why, when, help me: 
Why was I born with brittle bones(6month old till teens years over 60 broken bones n bones are still a concern now, 
Why I did I get a learning troubles/disability making school hard n even collage a failure, 
Why I have relationship issues(as a kids I even gave kids near me money to play with me)then from years 18-34 I paid women for sex, I didn't socialize in high school like others was picked up right after school by handicapped bus, never had a high school girlfriend, never went to events like concerts (well went to 1 because I won tickets but never could afford to buy any) stayed home alot playing on my computers; didn't feel a real connection to a woman till Kristin, holding her her holding me me brushing her hair us going down the street holding hands us watching TV/Movies her leaning on me or her head in my lap me holding her hand while we watched TV so when things started going wrong or my illusion was coming apart I started drinking n drinking n drinking 5th of whiskey a day suitcases of beer a day n then even bagging for money on the street to get more money for 40oz beers; 
I don't ask why I had a stroke I know why my depression, my drinking like a fish, my smoking of cigars, me not taking my blood pressure meds n me wanting to die, I was really begging to die n nearly did with the stroke the stroke was a turning point in my life *shall add more after why, when help me...
When am I to be in Love again???
When Will I Have a Girl to Truly Love Me???
When will I have a family???
Help Me to Be Happy!!!
Yes am happy with my friends I have that care about me but but well how many of you know me really know me, knowing my fav color, TV shows, movies n etc are easy guess my fault I am not very open with myself to others (yes I share alot but my heart is locked up guess since Kristin she Hurt it bad as picture shows-the tattoo a ripped aparted heart held together with barbed wire) feeling have always been a hard thing for me to share; a couple I know n really really care about have been a dare thing to me the husband joking n budding with me when he n I are together n the Wife the HUGs She Gives Me are so great, Phil n Pam give me a taste of care/love of what I am crying for, craving n deserve!!!
Help Me God, Jesus, Holy Ghost/Spirit, Universe, Karma LIFE to Have Love, a Wife/my own family), a Better Life I have been on disability income all my life(it sux), I have mouth empty of teeth(well a few broken ones still in there), I am always struggling with Medicaid to get meds n medical equipment, doctor wants me n I do to eat better n healthier but on my income even with food stamps n my month I can't afford the healthier foods or eat things like apples, peaches I eat softer foods that are unhealthy n many are unhealthy like M&Ms String cheese etc but hey they are called comfort foods for a reason they give people like me some comfort n since I don't have any whole teeth, no real income no girlfriend/wife n I gave up booze, cigars what little comfort I get from candy/junk food that is easier to eat do eat but even eating those is full of sadness because I know it is not healthy for me but What am I to do??? I Pray, Wish n Hope for a change in my life!!!

Now Times Like this morning the depression IS So Great n My Tears still dry on my face n when Life Doesn't Seem Worth Struggling With BUT
But HOPE, No Matter if that Hope is a grain of sand surrounded by Marbles of Sadness n Depression that grain of sand can stop a mables, a little super small size amount of Hope can be that Window to Something Wonderful n if I(we) ignore it(or throw it away) I would never know what that grain of sand(window) has for me(us) n that Keep Me Hoping, Wishing n PRAYing for my future life n Better Life a Happier Life n For Being Loved/in Love!!!

ok brain is drawing close to empty so HUGs n yes I didn't forget the ' * ' I typed it is below...

Good Morning, pray/hope you are doing well/better today as for me body ok minor aches n sadness slowly going away...

HUGs to You All!!!

* to continue my stroke was a blessing it re-a-woke me to Life, it gave a better outlook at things in my life having brittle bones I wasn't abused physically(mom had a rough childhood so she could have become an abuser if I didn't have brittle bone - got a few warm butts in my young years but spanking is sometimes needed) also met many other disabled kids that had worst disabilities then I had n they loved life n helped me after stroke to deal with my current limitations, even my relationship with Kristin even as bad as it was showed me what I was missing in Life(LOVE) yes it had great moments n I hope/pray I find a woman to truly love n she loves me... Being hit by a car 4 months before my stroke was a good thing even if I had to have a metal rod put in my hip I knew I would get $$$ for being hit n before stroke planning on going to Vegas to drinking myself to death like movie 'Leaving Vegas' but my stroke stopped me n renewed my life, gave me a new set of morals, a more caring heart from always what could I get next to wanting to help n care for other also to me becoming a Reverend to Share the HUGE LOVE I Feel from Jesus that I want n Need to share that Love with others No Matter Color(I don't say race We are All Humans 1 race), Sex, Sexual Orientation, Faiths/Religions n those of No Faiths I Have the Feeling/Calling Not to Convert, Change Beliefs or Condemn/Judge Others But Am Called To Show Them They Are All Loved n Are Wonderful!!! 

Rev. Giovano - Rev. Koala

Prayers needed for 2 homeless girls/sisters!!!

Hi Everyone,

I am having trouble with my mind n heart n soul, I can't stop thinking worrying about the 2 homeless girls; I feel like I need to do something more then praying for them but what, as a recovering alcoholic I you can't help an someone till they want help!!! I really don't know these girls but seeing them in their current choice of life which in my eyes looks like they are heading for a dire life that is close to a sad end, they are in their early 20s they can so so much more ahead of them if they would just be willing to accept help to Live I would gladly give the remaining years of my life to them to change their Life to want to Live a Long Healthy Loving Life, I have lived n they have not yet really lived, how can I help these girls??? Recovering drunks/addicts have to want to change we can't force them but watching them falling deeper deeper deeper closer closer to an end is heart breaking, why are these 2 girls lives hitting so hard, why am I so worried about total strangers???

I almost feel like these 2 girls are lost daughters of mine(never had children) n I want to hug them bring them somewhere that can help them, bring off the streets away from harm, demons(perverts, evil men, substances like booze/drugs n their own inner demons n past stuff that may have lead them to the streets); could their age being at an age that would be age of my kids if I had kids in my 20s... Don't know I have a number of other homeless I talk to that I am concerned about but these 2 girls are different for some reason 1 thing they are the youngest homeless I ever met n guess seeing the condition they have set out on is sadder in my heart/soul then the older homeless I guess... I also don't know why I even feel a connection to them in a small way unknown why!!!

I truly wish I can do something to really help want to live/love life, the only thing I can think of doing for them is to pray for them n not just once but multiple times a day everyday till something positive happens for them; I know I have a number of friends that don't believe in God, Jesus n the Holy Ghost/Spirit but ask that you think positive vibes their way(or my way to add to my vibe in trying to get them help) n to my friends/family that are fellow beliviers in God, Jesus n the Holy Ghost/Spirit n power of prayer please pray for these girls, have name of the youngest got it from an officer that knows the girls but officer only remembered the youngest of the 2 girl who are sisters the younger sister's name is Ashley n she is also the one that looks the weakest(health wise):

Dear Lord I thank You for bring these girls into my circle I know I am being moved to help them but unsure what to do, as a recovering drunk I know can't help those who are not wanting willing to get help but Lord I want these girls to live a long health loving life so give me direction what to do, give the girls the desire to want help, keep them safe away from those that would hurt them n things that are harming them, dear Lord I even offer up my life to give these girls their lives back, they are your daughters n I want them to know Your Love as I know Your Love, I ask this Lord in Christ, the Savoir's name, Your Beloved Son's Name Jesus Amen!!!

HUGs!!!

I had a strange dream:

I had a strange dream:

I was still using my electric wheelchair (not the strange part of the dream) but some how I was wandering around n saw a church that looked like it wasn't being used; church like it was built in early 1900's n wasn't really handicapped accessible... I was looking around n was liking the details of the outside when a small group of people came out n we talked an I introduced myself as Rev. Giovano n told them I also go by Rev. Koala... They group started talking to each other then they asked if I would to be their new minister/reverend, I said well your church is beautiful but doesn't look accessible... They then "Hey no problem they were planning on making accessible" I was still concerned because many place that make a simple accessible ramp leave many areas still not accessible some do make a restroom accessible but I asked if I was to take them up on it what about access to offices, stage n etc??? They smiled "what ever needed we will do to make it accessible for you" now my mind was thinking what is going on here??? I said "why would you do all that for me to your church's minister, you don't even know me" They laughed, "We see you admiring the church we just purchased n were in the mist of planning refit of the church but we had no minister for it, we prayed inside just before you showed up as we finished our prayer we saw you rolling around n when you told us you were a reverend it was the answer to our prayer So, you interested???"

This was shocking to me, overwhelming n scary; I say scary because speaking to a large group like a church is scary to me, funny I want to be a motivational speaker talk about oxymoron... I must have taken them up on the offer because next part of the dream was watching the refit of the church n then me starting to meet the members of this church n their families n shaking hands, hugging, saying prayers/blessing over members but then came the time to wheel up on stage n my nerves started going wacky just then I woke up... Strange dream, yes I want to share my Love of God, Jesus n the Holy Ghost/Spirit with many people but to be a minister of a church that I don't think I'd be ever up/ready to do... Now those that are believers know God calls who He wants No Matter if they believe they call do it but if you get a calling He will give you the tools/help you need...

I do hope this was just a dream n not a future calling, I am happy to pray over/for people, visit the sick n bless them n also to share the Love I have God, Jesus n the Holy Ghost/Spirit online n inperson but I am still trying to study the Bible n to understand it because the Bible is confusing because of many many man's hands of translating it from many languages n them also editing n even now there are a super amount of English versions n Bibles based off the King James Version(NIV, NET, ASV n so on) are all incomplete just pick up a Catholic Bible(which the King James Version was based on) to see that there are other books in the Catholic Bible vs the King James so all Bibles based on the King James version are lacking books so Bible is a Great Book but is incomplete n has errors n opinions on what is the best translations(with translations there is a high % chance of mistakes herethere); even the 10 commandments if written different in the King James vs the Catholic Bible n even the Catholic Bible was translated many times so I believe the Bibles of today are good but are not perfect it might have been ages ages ages ages ages ages ago but not now n many versions of Christians have picked n chosen parts of the Bible they accept n which ones they will ignore yup Christian have chosen parts of Bible to ignore n other are willing to hate others n even hurt others over... Ok I got side tracked again so going to cut this from dream down n post on my reverend page...

Helping Others???

Hello Everyone...
I am sorry I haven't wrote anything for awhile, I wait for inspiration n if I don't have inspiration I can't write anything n if I try to force myself to try to write it doesn't sound/read right or I am just blocked from doing any writing...
Oh so, yes had some inspiration today, YAY...
I guess it started yesterday when I went out n felt the motivation to give to a few people n then even moved to purchase some refreshments n snacks n gave to 2 young women that are down n out n I remember how close I was to being that way just before my stroke... Some times I know we are wary about giving to street homeless because many try to get money for booze/drugs n you see they really need some food n not a candy bar so you want to help but don't want to aid them in their destruction so it is hard choice to give or ignore them... Yesterday I gave a few dollars here n there to a few people but decided to give a couple boxes of healthy snack bars (think 6 bars per box) n the drinks to the women because I figured the snack bars would give them something good to snack on n would be ease to carry in their back packs... The thing about the 2 women/girls unsure of their age could be between late teens to their 30s hard to tell because they are having a HARD life n their bodies are showing that... 1 of the girls had a look as if Life Sux n she was mad at it all n the other girl think the younger of the two has a look like she was super sad n depressed n maybe losing hope with life n I saw a small smile from her when I gave the drinks n snacks... I would love to get them both off the street but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink n with drunks/addicts you can bring them help but can't making them get well... I know from my own live no one(on Earth) can force a person to straighten out n want to get better some never do but many have to hit bottom n usually super hard before changing their ways... 
I guess the only thing I can say is to not condemn/judge them we don't know what drove them to their condition; yes helping them with money is tricky will they use it for good or bad so give or not trust your feelings about should you give or not but at the least pray for them or if you are close enough to talk to them maybe talk with them(but beware of your surroundings not everyone it trust worthy so be careful) trust your feeling/gut/heart/soul... Showing someone kindness/respect can mean a lot to those that are down n out... 
Oh if the person is open to it ask if they would let you pray for them right there or ask them to pray with you, prayer can do amazing things when the faithful pray!!!
HUGs!!!
Rev. Giovano 'Koala' Fusco Jr. 12/17/2015  

STOP!!! Warning Following may offend some(hateful) Christians!!!

STOP!!!

Warning Some (mainly Christians) may not like this post!!!

because I preach Love Towards All n Not Hate but it hurts me when I See others Using Jesus's name to hurt others...

Read on please!!!

Stop calling yourself Christian if you believe in hating other faiths or believe in hating Gay/Lesbian/Trans or believe in hating someone because of their skin or believe in hating those with physical/mental handicaps(Disabilities) because Jesus wanted us to LOVE All!!!

I can understand hatred towards terrorist, extremist Muslims/Islamic, extremist Hindu n extremist Christians, murders, rapist, those that hurt others(the innocent adult n children n animals) but those that you think God hates well guess what He does not need You to hate/hurt/kill them, He will do what He thinks is right, He doesn't need you to hurt any in His Name or His Son's name n in my opinion Those that Use God and/or Jesus or the Bible to justify Hating, Hurting and/or Killing Are Not Followers of Jesus And Are Not Christians at All!!!

"“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.”

John 15:9 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.15.9.niv

“Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.””

John 14:21 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.14.21.niv

““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

John 13:34 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.13.34.niv

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

John 15:12 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.15.12.niv

Hello from Rev Koala, recent inspiration...

Well about earlier blog/post...

I wrote an status update on my FaceBook n it really goes to connect post earlier today n my what I wrote in my status update, here it is:

"Good Day Everyone,

hope you are well today,..

Me, well I woke with a super Sun sized headache n still have it after taking aspirins, then tylenols, awhile ago n just took a took a couple tramadols still pounding away in fore-head area of my head...

Think is might be going with my dream earlier n my recent post; my dream was me watching a Buddhist event(not real n think it is totally dreamt up event) now Buddhist is mainly a non-hate type faith(All Faiths has their azzwholes that mess things up Buddhist are lucky not as many as other main stream faiths) ok back to dream there were 3 Buddhist students preforming an event to become the next priest but only 1 was being chosen now, 2 of them were doing everything right n were not concerned who of the 3 would be chosen but 3rd 1 wanted it so much he started doing things to mess up the other 2... I saw this n tryied to stop the 3rd student then dream reset started over but knowing what 3rd student was planning I wheeled in even sooner but dream reset again n again n again till I woke...

Head pounding n had sudden motivation to write the post before this one...

Now that I am thinking of both it seems to me No Matter How Upset I Get Over fellow Christians hating n killing n condemning in Jesus name for the most part there Many Many More Fellow Christian that Love in the name of Jesus like I Do n No matter how upsetting it is to know there are haters/killers/condemners out there I Can Not Stop them there will always be Haters, Killers n Condemners... So like my dream I can try over and over but I sholdn't get so upset that I can't stop them I have to continue to be best me n do my best to Love others like Jesus wants me to do!!! 

WOW n after writing that headache is about gone, granted yes meds are doing their job but so cool start working just as I have clearer idea of my dream..."

~Reverend Giovano 'Koala' Fusco Jr. 11/11/2015