For a long time I wanted to be the hero to a woman then becoming her husband... The girl I feel deeply in love with had suffered many problems as kid n she still let her past effect her present. When I was with her I felt like I was her musketeer (I had tried to use the nick name porthos after the disney film in the 1990's but couldn't get people to call me porthos) n she gave me things I never experienced ever before, my life I didn't get many if at all hugs as a kid(at least not much between from 4-35years of age) n when I was with her she gave me the closeness n hugs I was missing which between feeling like I was her protecter n her giving me what I was missing in my life I Fell head over heels for her but because her issues were beyond my abilities n she use basically being used but I didn't see that nor did I really want to lose her So, I started drinking n with my recent stomach surgery I easily became a drunk n when I knew it was finally never going to a couple I wanted to die so I was trying to drink myself to death n was doing a real attempt at it... In 4/2008 I had the massive stroke that the doctor in the ER told my mother to pick out a casket but I didn't die n when I a woke after the stroke I had a new love, Life... I was now bound to an electric wheelchair n realized being in that wheelchair I couldn't deal with Maine's winters any more so decided to move me n mom to Florida luckily 4months before my stroke a car hit me as I crossed the street in the crosswalk n broke my left hip n money from that gave me the funds to move us...
Even though I learned I can't be the hero n rescue a girl from their problems but realized I can be a supportive aid to a girlfriend n basically to all that are in need of a someone to be their supportive friend... I still want to be a special man to a special girl n hope that some day I will find the closeness n love I really deserve the kind of love where we hold hands in public, hug n kiss as well, also the two of us wanting to be married n start a family together... That is also something I didn't get much of a connection with my families, dad's side saw me as a defect because of my disability n since mom n dad were not married was also a negative... My half brother was starting his own family when I was growing up so didn't get to really be close with him... My mother's side of the family was split into two families granddad's side in another city n grandmother's side where there was issues between my mother n her stepfather n won't go into So, basically my family became the TV n as a kid watching Lost in Space I watched the Robinson family n wanted to be part of their family I so wanted Will Robinson to be my big brother n get to play with the robot too... I didn't get out because my parent's fear I would get hurt with more broken bones because I was breaking so many bones when I was a kid n when ever mom turned her eyes away their I went again falling n breaking a leg or arm so was safer to have me at home in front of TV...
WOW, started this out talking on a totally different subject n went way back to my childhood, well guess many things lead back to our childhood...
Back on track, I still am in search of my princess n I would be her musketeer...
HUGs... :-)
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