Had a good talk with my counselor today...

Had a good talk with my counselor today...

I talked about my childhood n how TV was my step parents, Mike Brady - Brady Bunch, John n Maureen Robinson - Lost In Space (TV 1965-1968 but saw it as re-runs in the early 1970's along with Star Trek)... I wished many days I was Lost in Space with the Robinsons, I wanted Will to teach me to be scientific like him n work with a cool robots like Robot (B-9).. Later in TV started watching more grown up shows Rip Tide, A-Team, SixMillion Dollar Man n Planet of Apes (TV series) n etc... Problem there was a lot of the bag guys where black men(no always but a lot of times)... Then in my real life heard a few adults talking about women in not a nice why n even taught at age 8 how to tell the difference between a undercover female cop n a real hooker, nice skill to teach a kid well yes I never met an under cover cop or arrested... So, my childhood lacked emotional development I needed... I don't fault Mom or Dad, mom was a new mother n finds out her kid has brittle bones n she tries to protect me the best she could as did Dad who really no clue how to be a dad to a brittle child so he spoiled me a lot n my uncle Do-Do was around a lot he was a weird n nasty influence in my life he always talked bad about when they were not around but was nice to them when they were around n his talking about women was not a good thing for a young boy to hear or learn... I believe my parents loved me but because of my brittle bones they didn't hug me much at all n as I grew dad told me MEN Do Not cry so I was basically taught not to cry... My later years I tried to bond with my father but he was stuck in his ways so I was not really close to anyone except the TV... Not being close to anyone messed me up in high school because I didn't know how to be with people I made a few friend with gaming(D&D, StarFleet Battles, Car Wars n etc - pre-computer versions) but no girl friend though I tried but always failed... 

Many years later when I started hanging with a girl Kristin(aged 20 n I was 35 - year was 2002) n she held me, cuddled with me, she even hugged me, she kissed me many times n yes even a couple private times together(sorry no details) she gave me stuff I was lacking for many many many years the feelings of being loved n I FELL Deep in Love with her but well there are too many things that effected the relationship I thought was but really I was being played n I started drinking n with my recent stomach bypass booze went into my system super fast n with increasing depression from trying to build a relationship with Kristin that was not happening I call it off she call me, she called it off I called n so on so I jumped into a marriage with a friend(girl) who was also coming off a bad relationship n she n I were both alcoholics n we thought we could help each other get better n be happy, oops... Well all we did was drink n drink n drink 6 months later she jumped ship n after another 6months I filed n got a divorced... Now I thought heck I will sell everything n catch a bus to California n bum around Los Angeles but Mom's second husband died n she needed extra income to afford to stay in her apartment so I move in with her because thought Dad(who passed in 1993) would be upset if I didn't help her so moved in with mom... I was still drinking n really was trying to drink myself to death I didn't have the person I was in love with in my life n felt I was stuck in a home I only moved in because I didn't want to upset my dead father(so had to have loved him) then year later had my stroke which started my new life at first was ok, then took trip to Vegas relapsed on drink n then me, mom n friend of Mom's Mark I moved us to Florida... I wanted to meet new people wasn't getting anywhere at the Mormon church so started going to bars n yup drank again, I was so hungry for friends I was getting depressed again but luckily my counselor told me of a new church in our area Bayside Community Church n what a great thing it is... After a month I told the Mormon's goodbye n I started to call Bayside my home church n been a great blessing in my life... 

Ok I wrote more here then what I my counselor talked about, we also talked about my ever growing feelings of love for Jesus n me wanting to share what I feel but also how upset I get when I see people using his name to do evil to others, like judging others life style, race or religion or lack of one also killing in his name totally breaks into tears, He would never allow any of his followers to kill, he would not allow his followers kill the guards that came to get him to be judged n killed so, how the heck does anyone think he would want anyone to kill in his name if he wouldn't allow others to kill to protect him???

Ok now for a better part of my talk with my counselor, we talked about the mission I will be going on n how great of a gift it is to have people helping to make it happen n how much of my heart I have to share with the people we will be meeting n helping...

Well since I went long winded again time to stop writing before my figure falls off n my right hand can no longer hold the mini-iPad...

HUGSs!!!