I'm wondering....

I'm wondering... am I acting crazy/funny/weird to cover up inner feelings of deep depression?

I have always been a bit weird and fun but since my stroke I think I have taken it to another level...

I tell people/friends/family I am fine that I'm just enjoying life...
but Am I???
I am glad to be alive... I think/hope...
but I have lost a lot of function...
am I hiding my true feels from myself?

I tell people that having the stroke was my rebirth/re-awaking to life...

It was I was in a deep deep deep depression before the stroke and I didn't care if I lived or died... I just wanted that next drink of booze...

The Stroke was a blessing in a way it woke me up to life and wanting life again...
but the stroke also took so much from me...

I'm very grateful for I have regained since the stroke but still... :-(

I am wondering...